You have to be a saint to take care of an Alzheimer's patient. My Dad had Alzheimer's. It is completely devastating to the care givers. I didn't take on that work load but I visited often.
Yes. For the big things in life there is before, and after. Until you become a parent, you know nothing meaningful about yourself. Until you lose someone important to you, you know nothing about loss. Doesn't matter how many people you thought you comforted in their bereavements--you didn't have a clue.
You've spoken up here, I think, for a lot of people who don't have the reach to make these terrible things you describe in this piece understood by everyone who needs to think about them.
You have to write a book man. I was younger when my grandma died from dementia, I’m gonna call and tell my aunt thank you today for taking care of her for the last years of her life.
Just a little helpful hint, I grew up and still live in the colder winter and snowy parts of Montana, make sure you get a winter hobby. Ski, snowmobile, or get into the high school basketball games. We have seen a lot of nice weather folk go home after a few winters because they never embraced the cold.
Gosh, I've still got a lumpy feeling in my throat after reading your description of your friend's loving goodness on behalf of her grandmother. Thank you for writing and telling us about it. Many of us will face this with aging parents, grandparents, siblings and possibly even friends, and some of us will be up to what it takes to perform the necessary tasks to make the end of a life better. The only reward may be simply knowing we did it. It will be enough.
I'm glad to know you have a place in the wilds to live and write. It's an honest to goodness way of life.
Appreciate you checking in. Although, I’m incredibly busy with my family and life, I do look forward to whatever installments you drop on us… So you know… Never feel like you need to EVER give me my money’s worth. As one of your newer subscribers, I have benefited from your incredible backlog of content for free, and find myself listening to some episodes over again… The incredible depth you put into your work allows me to get something that I missed first time around. Anywho, I might be the only one, but don’t worry Brother, life happens. Maybe you need to hear this??? You’re a good man DC… V/R… 🐸🇺🇸🤠
As someone who lives in a rural setting it is peaceful. Is there going to be an interview between you and Tucker Carlson? That would be awesome if that could be a Unraveling episode.
I’ve been banging my head on 80 acres just down the road from you for about a decade. You’ve got six months to get ready for winter, every year. Buy an extra pump for your well to have on hand, and try to get a year ahead on firewood. Pellet stoves don’t work when the power goes out. Pump your septic before there’s an issue. If you make it through your first winter you’ll be fine, but that first winter breaks a lot of people.
I put in a 26kw Generac backup generator with a 1,000-gallon underground propane tank, so hopefully we’ll be good to go. Good call on the pump, though.
My mom needs help but she still has her faculties. She can still walk from the bedroom to the living room to watch her shows, My sisters and I bought her a new bed frame that sits lower to the floor so she has a much easier time getting out of the bed by herself. I have 2 sisters who do the brunt of the work. I make sure some things are done as well and because I think of all the things they do when I'm not there. So when I'm there, I put the work in. One of those sisters was also taking care of one of my mom's best friends at that same time who lives across the street. My moms friend has very little support from her kids because (I hate to say this) she treated them not so good while they were growing up. So my sister has been bringing food over, running errands for her and my mom. But recently my sister confided in me that my moms friend was deteriorating rapidly and losing weight. This is a lady who is 90 now but at 88 didn't have a washer hookup in her apartment so when she needed to wash, she would move the washer from the closet to the sink and back to the closet when she was done. My sister continued to go between my mom's house and her friend every other day. My moms friend, was very tough, mean and demanding. Some days she can be an angel but most of time she was just tough to deal with. To cut this story down slightly, my sister noticed a nice size lump on my mom friends breast and her skin was peeling on her back, shoulders and backside because she was confined to her bed. My sister tried numerous times to get her to the hospital but she didn't want to go. Its very hard to explain to a older black matriarch or just an older individual that times have somewhat changed and things are better in the world of medicine. My mom is the same way. All they remember years ago was that they didn't get the treatment they deserved and the hospital was where you went to die. These folks have been on this planet for decades and survived the best way they knew and it's only one way,.... THEIR WAY. One day, about 2 months ago, my sister came to visit my moms friend and the bed sores were worse. My sister called 911 to see if they could talk my Mom's friend to going to the hospital. I couldn't believe she obliged. During the stay at the hospital, my 2 sisters, bombed the house with insecticide as it was infested with roaches everywhere..... Cleaned the house up, washed the walls,.... Hoping once she got better, she can come back to some sense of normalcy. She ain't coming back, .....she has Stage 4 breast cancer at 90 years old. This is why I worry about my mom all the time. The one woman who birthed you, took care of you, protected you, gave out ass whippings galore when you thought you could break rules, fed you, clothed you, and now she is almost as that point where we need to return the favor. My mom, although tough as nails and took no shit from any of her 7 kids (2 of those kids from one of her sisters who died of kidney failure) , is worshipped in my eyes, and my sister's and brothers because of what she went through to get us where we are and the pain she went through to do it. So I give props as said before by Darryl to all the brothers, sisters, friends, home care and hospices nurses,...etc who deal with this everyday. My mom is still moving around albeit very slowly. Yep she still slips a little Canadian Club Whisky in her coffee every now and then. I just went over her house Friday night after she called me right when I ready to go to bed....." Can you bring me over some Budweiser and a bottle of Canadian Club Whisky?" Me: "Mom you talking about right now? It's 930 at night". Mom: Yep if you can please. You already know what I did!!! Was down there with drinks in hand and cleaned up a little bit while I there before heading back home. I leave you all with that because like Darryls conversation, you should know what to do with it. I worship my mother like the trees do the Sun! Stay strong you caretakers,..... I'm out!
Find this all heartwarming and touching but I'd like to share my story just a little bit. My mother is the one who taught me love and she's the one that really was my caretaker my parents are still together. My father had about the worst childhood you can imagine and my mom did the best to deal with all of his mental illness. My mom struggles with obesity she's been obese her entire life and I think about her now using a walker and stubbornly resisting any suggestions to do the rational thing about it which is lose some weight.
We got the news when we're about ready to go to bed when I was just about 4 years old she had breast cancer. I'll never forget her showing me all the scars from her surgery when I first got to go see her in the hospital after being there for a couple of weeks.
Obviously she made it through the cancer but the family drama never stopped around that time the feds came down on my uncle for racketeering. I visited him in prison when I was 6 or 7 years old and I still remember getting yelled at for throwing my change in the drawer instead of the basket so the guards had to pick it all out one by one.
My dad with his childhood trauma and his war experience was a bully. As a result my brother became a bully I'm not sure how my brother was molested but I know I got passed down to me. My parents only had two kids to watch over.
With my dad being a s*** head my mom did her best to cope and that was through eating and being a large woman I found myself having to stick up for school sometimes friends would tell me that my mom is fat and I know I punched a few f****** in the face I'm more than one occasion.
Anyway that's about all I really need to share cuz I think you get the point we don't all have parents matriarchs patriarchs sometimes we got a mess. These ideals aren't so easy to grasp when you have that kind of mess it's a little more complicated than that I wish I could say that I have this amazing hard-working mother of seven who is just an anchor in the family but there's a lot of resentment there and I know I can't lift her fat ass and I know I'm sure as hell not going to wipe her fat ass. I wish I had more compassion I wish I had that bond and that love that you speak of well I can look back at my childhood and have fondness for how she nurtured me and took care of me when I was little that's about all I've got. I know my resentment lies with her choice of a man I come from a long line of loser men men who would like to kill themselves one who actually did.
I'm starting to see that the values that are commonly shared amongst this group are ones that I'll never fully understand because I haven't had that kind of life.
I want for my son to be free from all this so I just keep grinding on. Thank you for sharing I really do like seeing other people's perspectives.
My husband goes everyday after work, to help his Mom. She’s deteriorating fast & it’s scary to see. Our Mothers are about the same age, but my Mom is still working PT & helping care for her grandkids. His Mom was a lifelong addict. She should be MUCH more appreciative than she is, that her 2 sons are ACTUALLY amazing people. She ignored & abandoned them when she married some guy when they were in their early teens. But, now she needs help. One son moved away to Connecticut. We live 20 mins away.
I had to get use to him yelling in the phone or ignoring calls. I can’t IMAGINE being that way with my Mom. But I HAD a Mom. He didn’t . & he doesn’t feel obligated to jump at her every whim. Where were you when I needed you? If it’s not cultivated, it won’t be reciprocated. It was hard for me to understand when he’d constantly joke about, just waiting for his inheritance. After 11 years though, I totally get it. It’s a tough reality. & of course she’s totally oblivious. Whether she REALLY doesn’t remember, I’m dubious. She’s 67 but looks about 80. Every once in a while, she calls sobbing, screaming “ I’m your FUCKING MOTHER. How are you leaving me like this ?!?”
It doesn’t help that, he was close with his Grandma & he helped take care of her before she passed. He was the only one she’d let pick her up. ( He’s 6’5 280) He was attentive & really loved her. His Mom will throw that in his face. Then it gets heated. His grandma took a bus every week across town, to visit with him. She cooked his fav meals & would show up @ school, when his Mom was too out of it. She put in the work, the proof of her love. Love is an action, not just a word .
I use to think it was horrible, for people to abandon their parents in old age. But, you don’t know someone’s story. I think it’s great when those who were mistreated, find a way to push through & still care for their parents. But, I no longer feel it’s wrong for them to just put them in a home. As a parent, you have a responsibility to your kids. If you completely blow it, they don’t HAVE to overcome all their resentment & past trauma, to help you. It’s too big of an ask.
Work is for those who understand what makes the potential into the actual. Subsistence seems to be for the remainder. How do you teach someone that attaining a goal is possible? Teaching is a requirement for breaking from subsistence. We are not born knowing. Those who believe feeding themselves is work will never know the difference.
We live on about 10 acres and I guess I'm better at procrastinating than you. Nevertheless, when a bear's pulled down a fruit tree and you have to electify the others to protect them or a tree's down across the driveway...
Well that made me feel guilty for having to watch after a 2 year old and an 11 month old all the time.
Good to hear your in rural America, the place for sane people.
And what a finisher with the Tucker interview teaser. Looking forward to it. Thanks for all the hard work you put into all this so we can all listen to an intelligent mind speak about the problems our society faces.
I hope you have made some headway on a post apocalyptic garden with all those chores you have been doing. Haha.
I loved how Tucker described you as the most important historian in the US today. I didn't love history as a kid. It's only the past few years as I get older and watch the lunacy of the world, that I'm seeing how important it is for me to understand more of the past. Thank you for all you've done to help me get a clue! Thank you for taking the time to chat with Tucker...really fun way to spend part of the holiday.
You have to be a saint to take care of an Alzheimer's patient. My Dad had Alzheimer's. It is completely devastating to the care givers. I didn't take on that work load but I visited often.
Yes. For the big things in life there is before, and after. Until you become a parent, you know nothing meaningful about yourself. Until you lose someone important to you, you know nothing about loss. Doesn't matter how many people you thought you comforted in their bereavements--you didn't have a clue.
You've spoken up here, I think, for a lot of people who don't have the reach to make these terrible things you describe in this piece understood by everyone who needs to think about them.
You have to write a book man. I was younger when my grandma died from dementia, I’m gonna call and tell my aunt thank you today for taking care of her for the last years of her life.
Just a little helpful hint, I grew up and still live in the colder winter and snowy parts of Montana, make sure you get a winter hobby. Ski, snowmobile, or get into the high school basketball games. We have seen a lot of nice weather folk go home after a few winters because they never embraced the cold.
Which part? I graduated from Cascade HS.
I graduated from Fairfield 2002, we might have played against each other. Now I live in the south end of Gallatin county
Gosh, I've still got a lumpy feeling in my throat after reading your description of your friend's loving goodness on behalf of her grandmother. Thank you for writing and telling us about it. Many of us will face this with aging parents, grandparents, siblings and possibly even friends, and some of us will be up to what it takes to perform the necessary tasks to make the end of a life better. The only reward may be simply knowing we did it. It will be enough.
I'm glad to know you have a place in the wilds to live and write. It's an honest to goodness way of life.
Appreciate you checking in. Although, I’m incredibly busy with my family and life, I do look forward to whatever installments you drop on us… So you know… Never feel like you need to EVER give me my money’s worth. As one of your newer subscribers, I have benefited from your incredible backlog of content for free, and find myself listening to some episodes over again… The incredible depth you put into your work allows me to get something that I missed first time around. Anywho, I might be the only one, but don’t worry Brother, life happens. Maybe you need to hear this??? You’re a good man DC… V/R… 🐸🇺🇸🤠
As someone who lives in a rural setting it is peaceful. Is there going to be an interview between you and Tucker Carlson? That would be awesome if that could be a Unraveling episode.
I’ve been banging my head on 80 acres just down the road from you for about a decade. You’ve got six months to get ready for winter, every year. Buy an extra pump for your well to have on hand, and try to get a year ahead on firewood. Pellet stoves don’t work when the power goes out. Pump your septic before there’s an issue. If you make it through your first winter you’ll be fine, but that first winter breaks a lot of people.
I put in a 26kw Generac backup generator with a 1,000-gallon underground propane tank, so hopefully we’ll be good to go. Good call on the pump, though.
>a 26kw Generac backup generator with a 1,000-gallon underground propane tank
!!!
No half measures detected
I need to up my game!
My mom needs help but she still has her faculties. She can still walk from the bedroom to the living room to watch her shows, My sisters and I bought her a new bed frame that sits lower to the floor so she has a much easier time getting out of the bed by herself. I have 2 sisters who do the brunt of the work. I make sure some things are done as well and because I think of all the things they do when I'm not there. So when I'm there, I put the work in. One of those sisters was also taking care of one of my mom's best friends at that same time who lives across the street. My moms friend has very little support from her kids because (I hate to say this) she treated them not so good while they were growing up. So my sister has been bringing food over, running errands for her and my mom. But recently my sister confided in me that my moms friend was deteriorating rapidly and losing weight. This is a lady who is 90 now but at 88 didn't have a washer hookup in her apartment so when she needed to wash, she would move the washer from the closet to the sink and back to the closet when she was done. My sister continued to go between my mom's house and her friend every other day. My moms friend, was very tough, mean and demanding. Some days she can be an angel but most of time she was just tough to deal with. To cut this story down slightly, my sister noticed a nice size lump on my mom friends breast and her skin was peeling on her back, shoulders and backside because she was confined to her bed. My sister tried numerous times to get her to the hospital but she didn't want to go. Its very hard to explain to a older black matriarch or just an older individual that times have somewhat changed and things are better in the world of medicine. My mom is the same way. All they remember years ago was that they didn't get the treatment they deserved and the hospital was where you went to die. These folks have been on this planet for decades and survived the best way they knew and it's only one way,.... THEIR WAY. One day, about 2 months ago, my sister came to visit my moms friend and the bed sores were worse. My sister called 911 to see if they could talk my Mom's friend to going to the hospital. I couldn't believe she obliged. During the stay at the hospital, my 2 sisters, bombed the house with insecticide as it was infested with roaches everywhere..... Cleaned the house up, washed the walls,.... Hoping once she got better, she can come back to some sense of normalcy. She ain't coming back, .....she has Stage 4 breast cancer at 90 years old. This is why I worry about my mom all the time. The one woman who birthed you, took care of you, protected you, gave out ass whippings galore when you thought you could break rules, fed you, clothed you, and now she is almost as that point where we need to return the favor. My mom, although tough as nails and took no shit from any of her 7 kids (2 of those kids from one of her sisters who died of kidney failure) , is worshipped in my eyes, and my sister's and brothers because of what she went through to get us where we are and the pain she went through to do it. So I give props as said before by Darryl to all the brothers, sisters, friends, home care and hospices nurses,...etc who deal with this everyday. My mom is still moving around albeit very slowly. Yep she still slips a little Canadian Club Whisky in her coffee every now and then. I just went over her house Friday night after she called me right when I ready to go to bed....." Can you bring me over some Budweiser and a bottle of Canadian Club Whisky?" Me: "Mom you talking about right now? It's 930 at night". Mom: Yep if you can please. You already know what I did!!! Was down there with drinks in hand and cleaned up a little bit while I there before heading back home. I leave you all with that because like Darryls conversation, you should know what to do with it. I worship my mother like the trees do the Sun! Stay strong you caretakers,..... I'm out!
God Bless. (& God bless Canadian Club for the service it has provided to Americans for more than a century)
Find this all heartwarming and touching but I'd like to share my story just a little bit. My mother is the one who taught me love and she's the one that really was my caretaker my parents are still together. My father had about the worst childhood you can imagine and my mom did the best to deal with all of his mental illness. My mom struggles with obesity she's been obese her entire life and I think about her now using a walker and stubbornly resisting any suggestions to do the rational thing about it which is lose some weight.
We got the news when we're about ready to go to bed when I was just about 4 years old she had breast cancer. I'll never forget her showing me all the scars from her surgery when I first got to go see her in the hospital after being there for a couple of weeks.
Obviously she made it through the cancer but the family drama never stopped around that time the feds came down on my uncle for racketeering. I visited him in prison when I was 6 or 7 years old and I still remember getting yelled at for throwing my change in the drawer instead of the basket so the guards had to pick it all out one by one.
My dad with his childhood trauma and his war experience was a bully. As a result my brother became a bully I'm not sure how my brother was molested but I know I got passed down to me. My parents only had two kids to watch over.
With my dad being a s*** head my mom did her best to cope and that was through eating and being a large woman I found myself having to stick up for school sometimes friends would tell me that my mom is fat and I know I punched a few f****** in the face I'm more than one occasion.
Anyway that's about all I really need to share cuz I think you get the point we don't all have parents matriarchs patriarchs sometimes we got a mess. These ideals aren't so easy to grasp when you have that kind of mess it's a little more complicated than that I wish I could say that I have this amazing hard-working mother of seven who is just an anchor in the family but there's a lot of resentment there and I know I can't lift her fat ass and I know I'm sure as hell not going to wipe her fat ass. I wish I had more compassion I wish I had that bond and that love that you speak of well I can look back at my childhood and have fondness for how she nurtured me and took care of me when I was little that's about all I've got. I know my resentment lies with her choice of a man I come from a long line of loser men men who would like to kill themselves one who actually did.
I'm starting to see that the values that are commonly shared amongst this group are ones that I'll never fully understand because I haven't had that kind of life.
I want for my son to be free from all this so I just keep grinding on. Thank you for sharing I really do like seeing other people's perspectives.
My husband goes everyday after work, to help his Mom. She’s deteriorating fast & it’s scary to see. Our Mothers are about the same age, but my Mom is still working PT & helping care for her grandkids. His Mom was a lifelong addict. She should be MUCH more appreciative than she is, that her 2 sons are ACTUALLY amazing people. She ignored & abandoned them when she married some guy when they were in their early teens. But, now she needs help. One son moved away to Connecticut. We live 20 mins away.
I had to get use to him yelling in the phone or ignoring calls. I can’t IMAGINE being that way with my Mom. But I HAD a Mom. He didn’t . & he doesn’t feel obligated to jump at her every whim. Where were you when I needed you? If it’s not cultivated, it won’t be reciprocated. It was hard for me to understand when he’d constantly joke about, just waiting for his inheritance. After 11 years though, I totally get it. It’s a tough reality. & of course she’s totally oblivious. Whether she REALLY doesn’t remember, I’m dubious. She’s 67 but looks about 80. Every once in a while, she calls sobbing, screaming “ I’m your FUCKING MOTHER. How are you leaving me like this ?!?”
It doesn’t help that, he was close with his Grandma & he helped take care of her before she passed. He was the only one she’d let pick her up. ( He’s 6’5 280) He was attentive & really loved her. His Mom will throw that in his face. Then it gets heated. His grandma took a bus every week across town, to visit with him. She cooked his fav meals & would show up @ school, when his Mom was too out of it. She put in the work, the proof of her love. Love is an action, not just a word .
I use to think it was horrible, for people to abandon their parents in old age. But, you don’t know someone’s story. I think it’s great when those who were mistreated, find a way to push through & still care for their parents. But, I no longer feel it’s wrong for them to just put them in a home. As a parent, you have a responsibility to your kids. If you completely blow it, they don’t HAVE to overcome all their resentment & past trauma, to help you. It’s too big of an ask.
i've been waiting for you to have a seat at that table.
you're clearly a good friend. and a good man generally.
Work is for those who understand what makes the potential into the actual. Subsistence seems to be for the remainder. How do you teach someone that attaining a goal is possible? Teaching is a requirement for breaking from subsistence. We are not born knowing. Those who believe feeding themselves is work will never know the difference.
Take care Darryl…. we want you sane.
He’s running a shovel instead of scrolling Twitter X I’d say he’s doing it right!
Darryl does everything right, that’s why I worry about him. He’s got us… he’ll be fine.
We live on about 10 acres and I guess I'm better at procrastinating than you. Nevertheless, when a bear's pulled down a fruit tree and you have to electify the others to protect them or a tree's down across the driveway...
Well that made me feel guilty for having to watch after a 2 year old and an 11 month old all the time.
Good to hear your in rural America, the place for sane people.
And what a finisher with the Tucker interview teaser. Looking forward to it. Thanks for all the hard work you put into all this so we can all listen to an intelligent mind speak about the problems our society faces.
I hope you have made some headway on a post apocalyptic garden with all those chores you have been doing. Haha.
Guilty for complaining about***
I loved how Tucker described you as the most important historian in the US today. I didn't love history as a kid. It's only the past few years as I get older and watch the lunacy of the world, that I'm seeing how important it is for me to understand more of the past. Thank you for all you've done to help me get a clue! Thank you for taking the time to chat with Tucker...really fun way to spend part of the holiday.
Your opening description (beautifully written) brought back lots of memories. You described the situation with eerie accuracy
Stream of consciousness
Stream of half-consciousness
Hahaha! Welcome to the northeast. Most are moving in the other direction so we welcome voices of reason for sure.